Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
