Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
