They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
