Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
