thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
