I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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