Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
