oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
