Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
