they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
