My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
