I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
