Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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