Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
