I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
