My liver just broke up with me...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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