Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
