Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
