I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
