My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
