No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
