I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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