"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
