Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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