i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
