I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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