drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
