I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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