I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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