i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
