Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
