Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
