After last night, I could never be a politician.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You were trust falling into bushes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
