I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
