No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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