I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
