bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
