Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
