I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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