I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
