i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
