looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
