I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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