It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
