She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
