I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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