i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
