Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
