she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
