Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
