went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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